Hi,
I am so blessed to have found this website.!
Recently, my son has started having little tantrums -they last about half an hour.
I cant get him to stop screaming or crying and he is frustrated and is trying to bite. Hes only (almost) 4 so at the very least this is just normal behavior. I'm just not quite sure how to handle this . I want to teach him that it isnt nice to bite and that his behavior is wrong BUT I'm not sure how much is due to the cp and the frustrations he feels.(he is unable to walk or talk) Because of this I have been really lax on discipline because 99.5% of the time he's a perfect angel. I'm just worried about these sudden lasting outbursts
Just a few questions
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Just a few questions
by courty's mom » Wed Jan 05, 2011 10:29 pm
- courty's mom
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Re: Just a few questions
by LeaciesMum » Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:59 pm
Hi there, you're right, tantrums and biting can be common at your son's age. You say he isn't mobile or verbal, but is his understanding on par?
My daughter is 4.5 with spastic quad CP, although her speech & understanding is normal, and like your son she is an angel most of the time, but she does have moments of tantrums and naughty behaviour. I treat her just like any of my other children, she gets a time out. I sit her on the mat and tell her when she's quiet her time will start. The other kids get one minute for each year of age (ie. my 6yo son gets 6mins), but for Leacie she only gets 2 minutes because it usually takes her a minute or three to settle down.
I also learnt when doing Family Day Care that biting is usually a frustration response, and the best way to deal with it is watch the child and when you see a situation where they are getting frustrated intercept them before it gets to biting stage. Diversion tactics usually work well, if they want a toy that someone else has got, tell them 'so-n-so has that toy now, you can have a turn when they're finished' and get another toy and play with it, make it look like great fun to get them engaged.
If they do manage to bite before being distracted they get told in a very stern voice (not yelling), 'No biting, it hurts, if you bite again you will get a time out'. Always follow through regardless of how much they tantrum because if you don't the next time they will only up the ante and tantrum for longer until you give up again.
Until they get the idea of how timeout works it can take quite a long time and it's hard (and heartbreaking) but regardless of their disability they need rules and consistancy. As one of my therapists once told me, Leacie doesn't know she's disabled, don't let our pity for her make her feel different.
The only other thing I can suggest is talk to your therapists/case manager, they are usually a wealth of knowledge or can guide you in the right direction for help.
Good luck
My daughter is 4.5 with spastic quad CP, although her speech & understanding is normal, and like your son she is an angel most of the time, but she does have moments of tantrums and naughty behaviour. I treat her just like any of my other children, she gets a time out. I sit her on the mat and tell her when she's quiet her time will start. The other kids get one minute for each year of age (ie. my 6yo son gets 6mins), but for Leacie she only gets 2 minutes because it usually takes her a minute or three to settle down.
I also learnt when doing Family Day Care that biting is usually a frustration response, and the best way to deal with it is watch the child and when you see a situation where they are getting frustrated intercept them before it gets to biting stage. Diversion tactics usually work well, if they want a toy that someone else has got, tell them 'so-n-so has that toy now, you can have a turn when they're finished' and get another toy and play with it, make it look like great fun to get them engaged.
If they do manage to bite before being distracted they get told in a very stern voice (not yelling), 'No biting, it hurts, if you bite again you will get a time out'. Always follow through regardless of how much they tantrum because if you don't the next time they will only up the ante and tantrum for longer until you give up again.
Until they get the idea of how timeout works it can take quite a long time and it's hard (and heartbreaking) but regardless of their disability they need rules and consistancy. As one of my therapists once told me, Leacie doesn't know she's disabled, don't let our pity for her make her feel different.
The only other thing I can suggest is talk to your therapists/case manager, they are usually a wealth of knowledge or can guide you in the right direction for help.
Good luck
* A Strong Mind Can Compensate For A Weak Body *
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LeaciesMum - Posts: 35
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- Location: Melbourne, Australia
Re: Just a few questions
by RainDance:) » Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:12 pm
It's probably just a communication frustration issue as he is most likely just struggling to "communicate" as difficulty doing so can be very frustrating, however... it can escalate. I would not give him attention for his inappropriate behaviors and instead, try to help him find an appropriate "communication" method whatever it may be. His teachers/therapists should be able to help you.
I also wanted to say that any "self-injurious" behaviors such as biting himself should be completely ignored by all in every and all environments. My daughter used to bite her hand out of frustration and hit herself in the head out of frustration when she was 3 to 7 yrs old. Completely ignoring those self-abusive behaviors worked like magic. They faded to near extinction. We continue ignoring anything self-injurious to this day and she is 20 yrs now (but those behaviors are extremely rare anymore if at all). I hope your son's issues are simply something he'll get over in time, but I wouldn't assume that and I also would not give him any attention when he is having them, then super praise him verbally with smiles any time he displays appropriate communication in any way shape or form
Best wishes to you!!!
Just so you know- and you may already be aware- your son is entitled to a behavior modification plan to be put into place should such behaviors escalate and become a disruption in his education at school. He is entitled to have a behavioral analysis/plan in his IEP. I assume he is already in school. I just wanted to share that in case you haven't been informed, it's just a bit of info to keep in mind for the future
I also wanted to say that any "self-injurious" behaviors such as biting himself should be completely ignored by all in every and all environments. My daughter used to bite her hand out of frustration and hit herself in the head out of frustration when she was 3 to 7 yrs old. Completely ignoring those self-abusive behaviors worked like magic. They faded to near extinction. We continue ignoring anything self-injurious to this day and she is 20 yrs now (but those behaviors are extremely rare anymore if at all). I hope your son's issues are simply something he'll get over in time, but I wouldn't assume that and I also would not give him any attention when he is having them, then super praise him verbally with smiles any time he displays appropriate communication in any way shape or form
Best wishes to you!!!
Just so you know- and you may already be aware- your son is entitled to a behavior modification plan to be put into place should such behaviors escalate and become a disruption in his education at school. He is entitled to have a behavioral analysis/plan in his IEP. I assume he is already in school. I just wanted to share that in case you haven't been informed, it's just a bit of info to keep in mind for the future
- RainDance:)
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Re: Just a few questions
by RainDance:) » Wed Jan 26, 2011 7:21 am
I agree with the ideas above about redirecting behaviors when you can read your kid well enough to see what they are getting frustrated about, that can work wonders:)
- RainDance:)
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- Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2011 2:58 pm
Re: Just a few questions
by mike0009 » Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:01 am
How your children deal with frustration is influenced by how you react to it. If you model an unhealthy response to the frustration you experience in your life, for example, with impatience or anger, they may learn that this is an appropriate way to deal with frustration. If you are calm, positive, and look for solutions when you get frustrated, your children will likely adopt this approach to frustration.
How you respond to your children's frustration will also affect how they learn to deal with their frustration. If you become impatient and angry with them, their frustration may escalate and more quickly turn into anger and despair, further preventing your children from resolving the source of their frustration. If you respond to your children's frustration by asking them in a soothing voice what they are frustrated about and discuss how you want to help them deal with it, then they will likely calm down and follow your lead in looking for a solution to their frustration.
How you respond to your children's frustration will also affect how they learn to deal with their frustration. If you become impatient and angry with them, their frustration may escalate and more quickly turn into anger and despair, further preventing your children from resolving the source of their frustration. If you respond to your children's frustration by asking them in a soothing voice what they are frustrated about and discuss how you want to help them deal with it, then they will likely calm down and follow your lead in looking for a solution to their frustration.
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